Rachel, I REALLY hope this post does not come from our conversation last night! If it does, I am really sorry. =( I think you are doing wonderfully in school. I have REALLY enjoyed having you there with me. It made going to college far easier than if you were not there. I for one am very proud of you. I think you are doing great! AND you should have fun! right? nothing wrong with that.

Ok. that wraps up 1 $ 2.

Now to move on to 3. You should be happy for T. but dang, what a not nice thing to do the spouce! hee hee. My T can lose 15 lbs so easily and he just loves to share that with me. sigh.

4. I KNOW your dh still adores you. I can see it!

5. that is sad and I am praying about it.

I have a good answer for 6. perhaps we need to get going with that Bible study?

7. I consider you to be one of my dearest freinds and hope you consider me the same. i am here for you if you want to talk.

8. I know how that is! that is why I hate budgeting so much. because it seems like when I do, SOMETHING will come up and mess it up. sigh. it will be better!!!

OH! I forgot to add, that maybe a kitten will cheer you right up! I know where you can get a pretty white one. or a pretty black one. though the boys are BEGGING to keep all 4! ACK!!

Deb: No, it's not last night. It's just the whole attitude, from 'you don't have to work this hard' at the beginning through the (not happily surprised) 'ohmigosh I can't BELIEVE you got that score on that test' on Tuesday night. Not from you. I can see being annoyed by my loud mouth. I just don't get why people (not you) still think it's a borderline crime if I want to work hard and do well. It's not like the guy grades on a curve.

hee regarding the kitten. Cheering as that might be, I do not think that would help with number 4. Not to mention that the litter stink from three cats is bad enough. :)

You know, I had completely forgotten about the Bible study. Can we wait until I can afford to buy a book for it? (perhaps next week; will conference with T.) I hate coaxing our obstinate printer through the printing of all those dang pages for every week's homework.

Are we still getting togehter for ice cream after the quiz?

1. I have heard that college is like highschool with ashtrays. There were classes in college that I took that made me feel the professor was there to earn a paycheck and nothing more, or that the students must have endless pockets of money to not care about anything enough to make an effort in class (Which REALLY sucks in a class where you have to work on group projects). However I had more totally amazing experiences in college that surpassed highschool than not. I guess it depends on the teacher, and sometimes the students but more often than not, the subject being taught. Most people taking history aren't taking it for fun, the sooner they can get through the material the better. Don't worry, I highly doubt you'll have to base your whole opinion on a college education on one class.

2. You will have classes in which other students will be as vocal as you. You'll have amazing discussions. Not always, but sometimes. Just be patient and stop being so hard on yourself. You rock.

3. Yay for T! That is so awesome, I know how important that is for him. I am right behind you sister. Ouch, I need to go to the gym. Or at least start parking my car further away.

4. Don't worry about T losing interest in you, I find that hard to believe. He's at that age...You know change of life crisis (Not really crisis for some though) and all that. It is probably just a phase.

6. I have become something of a wet newspaper myself. I just have no motivation. I have two chapters printed of the bible study already that are collecting dust. We SHOULD get back to that, but the question is, will we?

7. I have been out of contact with everyone myself. See #6.

8. Money has been burning holes everywhere. I just can't seem to hold onto a dollar to save my life. I keep saying I'm going to save and then I spend it.

Big hugs to you. I love you. I think I am going to Noah's dedication in Simi Valley tonight...Which means I'll be meeting Kristin for the first time! I have to see what's going on with the car first.

Jenn, thanks for all your responses. I do not have time for a point-by-point thank you right now, am supposed to be rushing out the door in five minutes and I don't even have my shoes on. I love you.

but: gah. See, I didn't even know Noah was having a dedication. :( For one crazy second I thought, I wonder if I could make it to Simi Valley in time. No way though.

1. I have the same issue with (East coast women's college) grad school, for Pete's sake, although I don't know if that's actually helpful. But it's certainly not just you. I am constantly amazed to find that people aren't there because they truly want to learn.

4. Again, probably doesn't help, but the very idea of T not adoring you makes me snort with disbelieving laughter. I think I prescribe the beginning of AoI for this condition. (That's the part I'm thinking of, right?)

In general, it seems that the blahs are going around. I hope things start looking up soon...

Kat -- re AoI -- you mean the romantic trip to Europe? Or bundling him off for a couple of weeks of snipe-shooting in Nova Scotia?

:)

Snipe shooting! hee hee

My Beautiful Lady, you might question your husbands' sanity, or eyesight, but not your own worthiness! Of course T is CRAZY about you, (I have special insight on this matter). I have a little "silly story" I've been waiting until we were both unoccupied and awake to share with you for over a week now, perhaps tonight needs to be the night, I think it will help :)

Your lack of prayer, and spiritual appetite in general have more to do with the fact that due to a chronic lack of spiritual direction from the spiritual head of your home, you have not been doing together as a family, and as a couple, what T has been doing alone. I have been convicted about the kids going to bed without us spending time in prayer together lately. Tonight with the re-emergence of spiritual leadership in our home, we will deliberately begin again.

This is in no part due to any inherent wickedness on your part, but is solely due to the effect of what I call "spiritual gravity". That's my name for the fact that when we stop moving ahead, and neglect living by deliberate dedicated resolve to spend time with the Savior who misses and loves us, (and I might add misses and loves us far more than we ever miss or love Him) we "sag" and diminish in our desire, and in our ability to love, know and serve Him.

Let me repeat, it's not you alone. I praise God however that you notice the dryness when it is there. The un-regenerate do not, as that is their constant state.

As for your bible study book, consider it bought as soon as the funds are available. I too have been meaning to ask you about your online study with the other ladies.

As for college, you are brilliant, and love learning things, the failure of your teacher, or schoolmates to appreciate that is not your fault, nor an indication of any error on your part. It is however good preparation for what our children will all-to-soon be experiencing in college. Please consider that, and realize how our "beautifuls" will benefit from the awkwardness you are bristling against right now.

I love you!

oh, now you did it. You went and made me cry all over my blog. Dangit. *sniff*.

Yay for T!! That was great to read :-)

Oh, and I think Kat might have meant the *end* of AoI rather than the beginning. At least, that's what I thought of.

I don't have any words of wisdom, nor even any other kinds of words that haven't already been said, but I'm glad my entry could zing you, and I'll be praying for you.

*hugs*

I meant the part in which Anne thinks Gilbert doesn't love her anymore, but he does. (Of course.)

Aww! :o)

Nothing to say that hasn't already been said, really. Just that the apathy, while unfortunately common (no matter which college you attend, it seems), does vary from class to class. I'd say that in the "lower level" classes (that practically everyone has to take) you might get more of it than when you're into the more advanced, specialized classes. By then, some of the "don't-really-wanna-be-there"s have fallen by the wayside. Try not to worry about those who roll their eyes over soneone who cares about learning. It's sad that they're everywhere-- even in the college classroom-- but it's mostly sad for *them*. Don't let them ruin things for you! :o)

Rachel - while you're rereading AoI, another thing you need to reread is your own essay from a couple years back when you went on retreat. I think it was the second (?) time, when you came home on fire. Use that to rekindle your blaze.

You're showing some signs of depression. I don't mean in the clinical sense; I'm not qualified to diagnose that and if I were I wouldn't do it from a few blog entries. And if I did I don't think this would be it. Disclaimers over, we all have down periods and I think you're in one. Sometimes all you can do is wait and trust - yourself, your husband, your family, your faith. If you can see this is just a "down" cycle then you can wait or take action to move out of it, without having to believe that Things Have Changed Forever.

Marriages do that too, not just individuals; I was guessing that that's what happened to yours, but T's comment says otherwise - or maybe your post was enough to make him realize and make a change. Sometimes you can make that change and break the cycle (and from what he wrote this is one of those times), sometimes you just have to wait. But when you *know* it's a loving and solid marriage, as yours is, then you trust it, yourself and your husband, because there *will* be better times not far off, and because even a "down" time in your marriage is as good or better that the good times in any other relationship you could have been in.

Oh, and about college: whenever you can, take elective classes that people sign up for because they want to, not because it's required for a degree. For instance, no one takes Linguistics unless they are interested in the subject (or in taking it up as a career, generally the same thing), and so my Linguistics courses were some of the best I've had. Ditto Folklore. I think when you get distributional requirements done and are in classes that relate to your chosen field, you'll find other people more interested. Meanwhile, try to avoid the big English classes and take the quirky ones.

Hmm, advice on three topics. Pity I only know anything about two of them :-) (Though on matters of faith, I don't think advice to read your own words can possibly hurt.)

And here's something more concrete, a link I just saw on a friend's blog. I don't think this could be a more perfect combination for you - they're looking for articles on history for a homeschooling magazine. And they *pay* for them. You would of course need to do research, but I think it would be good practice anyway. For requested topics and more information, go here.

I love and miss you, Rachel. I am really excited about having all the time I want in heaven to hang out with you guys. It's the only thing that makes up for being so far away now.

T, you are one cool man. Thanks for taking such good care of my wonderful friend. It just makes me feel better about life in general to know that your family exists...that even though I don't have many people with whom I truly see eye to eye, you're out there. It's heartening.