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Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I am SO SO BITTER right now.
Don't you love it when you're trying not to worry and then you start to worry about how much you worry? Fun.
This is T's first day back at work since before Mother's Day. His back hurts. He's on light duty. He hates the idea of light duty. His boss is either carrying a grudge or terrified he'll re-injure himself on work time and hence make it his (the boss's) problem, and he seems to be wanting to take this out on T in a passive-aggressive way that makes me want to scream. (I do all the 'wanting to scream' and actual [rare bouts of] screaming in our family. T is not precisely unruffled, but things like this, he just plain internalizes, and they manifest themselves as ulcers and backaches and all kinds of crazy fun stuff like that. I think my way is probably healthier, if less comfortable). We are STILL WAITING (as in, I am playing phone tag and hold/answering-system roulette with the office as I type this) for word from the doctor's office as to whether he will or will not be having surgery, which means we are still waiting to find out whether he will ever be able to go back to his normal life or if he'll be on light duty and unable to pick up anything heavier than ten pounds for the rest of his life.
me bitter?
Also, the flaky non-tenant (see Saturday's "definition" post) sent us into a whirl of panic, not the least of reasons for which is that, on the strength of his assertion that he would arrange with the previous tenant to get her things out (they are friends) and his stuff in on the first, we had just bought a new refrigerator for the apartment AND done a really big and necessary grocery shopping trip on the day this would presumably be occurring, when we got home to his message on our answering machine (see above re: flaky) telling us he'd changed his mind. So we've been advertising the place for five days and had two nibbles, one of which already turned out to be nothing, the other of which I am trying not to hope for because I think they think the place is too small and are just too polite (and flaky, me bitter?) to tell us to our faces, so they're just going to let us dangle until we figure out they're not interested. I keep telling myself that all this must be for a very good reason. Maybe God has a tenant who will need that space and love it and be the most awesome neighbor and reliable payer in the world, and maybe today that tenant is going to realize his/her situation and call us. Any time with that, God. Anytime at all. Or maybewe're supposed to give up my cell phone, my website, our DSL, and our XM subscription (this last would be fine with me, but the rest... I drag my feet, shall we say) so that we can Learn A Lesson and eke out an existence without subletting the space at all. Hey, at least I'd have my sewing room. And LOTS OF TIME to use it.
Also, did I mention that T is back at work after two months off? The missing him, it hurts. Especially since he has to spend the night up there tonight and possibly for three nights a week from next Monday until hell freezes over the road to his shop gets fixed. Unless his boss allows him to take the bus even though that would technically cut into his work day. HA HA HA. Tee hee. Yeah, that'll happen. ha ha.
Comments
Oh Rachel! I am sorry you are going through this all at once!! It does hurt so when dh goes back to work after being off for awhile!
I will pray about the surgery situation. Is there anythig I can do??? You know I am here for you! love you sooo much!
Posted by: debi at July 5, 2006 01:35 PM
I'm so sorry life is so darn hard right now. I was I could give you a big hug. I won't offer any platitudes, other than to say that I KNOW all this will work out. He is big enough for this, my friend. I wish I could bring you a batch of muffins or a meal or something!!
love, Valerie
Posted by: Valerie at July 5, 2006 07:15 PM
(((HUGS))) I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier when you called :(
Posted by: jenn at July 5, 2006 09:56 PM
Rachel, You will make it through. "Things could be worse" is an overused and sometimes patronistic platitude that others use to try and make us feel better. We both know it doesn't work.
But I just wanted to leave you a note to say thank you for writing.
You help me keep my focus and to hang on to what little faith I have left.
Imagine a life where
your husband is a veteran of the ARMY and loses his Father on the 4th of July. He is recently disabled and you are made the Breadwinner only to fail to keep your family from going homeless.
Then you look to heaven and ask 'why?' and the line is disconnected.
I then look around and see that I am not the only one. Could things be worse? yeah probably. Could they be better? absolutely.
But am I the only one who goes through things like this - am I the only Mom/Wife out there who has to face these problems? Nope.
THANK YOU
Posted by: Brenda at August 5, 2006 11:12 AM
